| A field report from the front lines of senior care, solo living, menopause, and paranoia |
| I was at a meeting last week, talking about a situation that happened at the UR Community Cares office, and one of the senior care professionals shared with me an App that I had never heard of called “Are You Dead,” so I immediately downloaded it. The Phone Call That Started It All If you’ve been following UR Community Cares for a while, you know our organization is run by a lot of volunteers and people getting on-the-job training to advance their careers, and we are so grateful to have them. That said, some funny things happen as a result. We received a call; the person answering the phone heard the caller say they were dying and needed wellness checks. Sounded urgent. So they thought I should call them back. I get on the phone, ready for something serious, and here’s the actual scoop: A single, widowed man in Eastern CT had just met with his lawyer and funeral home to finalize his wishes. The funeral home told him to get wellness checks in case something ever happened to him. The man reported having no local family, described himself as a “loner” with no friends, and wondered if I knew of a service he could pay, to check in on him daily. Classic telephone game: what one person hears is completely different from what the other person said. “I’m trying to arrange wellness checks” somehow became “I’m dying and need wellness checks.” In our defense, the words are very similar if you squint. The gentleman had a simple question: Is there anyone who would check on him daily to make sure he hasn’t fallen in the shower, choked on a sandwich, or been eaten by his own cat? You know, the usual concerns. I knew that some local police departments do wellness checks in some towns, which is lovely, but I wasn’t sure who to contact in his area; he said he would drive to the local barracks (not a tech guy, no internet). |
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| I had reached out to other members of the Coalition for Elder Justice in Connecticut. Fortunately, my friend Nora Duncan, State Director at AARP Connecticut, did some digging and found a whole ecosystem of other companies ready to calm the collective fear of expiring unnoticed: DailyWellChecks.com— For when you want someone to care, but professionally and on a schedule. CareCheckers.com— Sounds like a chess move, but for your mortality. AssureOkay.com— The domain name equivalent of a nervous text message: “u ok??”These businesses have identified what I can only call the “please confirm I’m still breathing” demographic. It’s niche, but growing. My Daily Reminders Now, every day at the same time, I get a check-in prompt on the “Are You Dead” App. You can opt in to a subscription to add your medical emergency contacts. Why This Matters (Beyond the Obvious) I live alone sometimes. I’m also a single menopausal woman, which means I have enough to worry about without adding “will anyone notice if I don’t make it to Thursday” to the list. Hot flashes are already keeping me up at night; existential dread about solo expiration shouldn’t have to. The peace of mind is worth whatever they’re charging. Sleep is precious. Sanity is precious. Knowing that someone, anyone, will notice if you go radio silent? That’s the kind of modern luxury we don’t talk about enough. |
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| The Gap Nobody Talks About at Dinner Parties Here’s the thing about living alone: it’s mostly great. You can eat cereal for dinner, sing show tunes off-key, and walk around in your underpants while arguing with the television about politics. No witnesses, no judgment. But then there’s the other side. The “what if I slip in the bathroom and my phone is in the kitchen” side. The “what if I go for a walk and my heart decides to take an unscheduled vacation” side. The “what if I choke on a cracker and my cat just watches with that judgmental expression cats always have” side. It’s a vulnerability that doesn’t discriminate. Outdoor activities, at home, in the community, life has a way of throwing curveballs when you’re the only one there to catch them. The Bigger Picture This isn’t just about Apps and services. It’s about a demographic shift. More people are living alone than ever before. More people are aging alone. More people are choosing solo lives, or circumstances are choosing them. More people are lonely. I’m so happy he called our organization, and I called him again last week just to say “Hi!”The traditional safety nets with family nearby, neighbors who know your routine, church communities, whatever, don’t apply to everyone. And even when they do, there’s something to be said for a system that doesn’t rely on Mr. D from next door noticing you didn’t collect your mail. If you don’t believe me that this is a real App, click below to read this article about how the App started in China: https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c3381r5nnn6o |
| Stay tuned. Or don’t. I’ll be checked on either way. Michelle Puzzo, UR Lead Investigator 860-430-4557 info@urcommunitycares.org www.urcommunitycares.org |
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